What Not to Wear...Seriously, Please Don't

I do not consider myself to be a fashionista. I am often seasons behind the latest fashion trend, and my education on the subject is limited to the occasional episode of What Not to Wear on TLC. But, it has to be said:

Men wearing jean shorts are an abomination.

This is not okay.

If you are over the age of 12 and you own a pair, GET RID OF THEM! Light them on fire, cut them into rags, have your grandmother sew them onto a quilt. But please, whatever you do, do not, I repeat, DO NOT donate them to the thrift store. They will, no doubt, end up in the hands of an unsuspecting man whose sisters never taught him better.

Just for fun, I googled "men wearing jean shorts." My search pulled up a Twitter post, reading "If you are a man and you are wearing jean shorts, I automatically discount you for life." Ah, to be validated.

In summary...

You may wear jean shorts if:

• You are an infant or small child.
• You wish to remain single for the rest of your life.

You may not wear jean shorts if:

• You are over the age of 12.
• You want a romantic relationship.